What They Never Said Read online

  Seeing her better off had already been worth the trip back. Since Rebecca had been addicted to drugs back in the day, it had been up to Cameron to keep them from living out on the streets, or starving to death. They’d been stripped of everything when her dad died. Lincoln wanted to spew with the reminder.

  Muffled rock and roll rattled against the bar’s windows as they crossed the parking lot. Maybe it was a stupid choice, but he couldn’t stand the idea of carrying on a conversation surrounded by rich yuppies sucking on sugared-up caffeine. It sickened him to think he was once like those brainless idiots. If his old man had his way, Lincoln would’ve become his puppet like his brother.

  It was probably pathetic the way he jumped at every chance to touch Cameron. He guided her into the bar by gently pressing on the small curve of her back. He pulled her stool out once they chose a spot at the bar, feathering his fingers over the smooth skin between her shoulders when she scooted back in. When the middle-aged bartender came over to take their drink orders, Lincoln turned to rest his hand on the back of her chair, subtly brushing his finger over one of her soft curls.

  “Do you have any sauvignon blanc?” Cameron yelled to the bartender over a Zeppelin tune.

  “Can’t convince the owner of this place to carry anything that classy,” he answered, chuckling with a shake of his head.

  Resting her chin in the palm of her hand, Cameron hummed. “A Manhattan?”

  “Now that I can do.”

  The bartender threw her a wink. Bristling, Lincoln stuck his chest out. “I’ll take the darkest local beer you have on tap.”

  The man sized Lincoln up, then tapped the bar-top with his knuckles. “Sure thing.”

  Out of habit, Lincoln sat with his back to the corner of the bar, and surveyed the contents of the building while searching for its exits. Very little had changed, including the carpeted walls and chipped tile floor. A handful of other patrons drank alongside them, 90% of which were twice their age. It was the kind of place the locals liked to play cards and pool, becoming each other’s closest family members while pretending their lives didn’t exist outside the four walls. It still stunk like old gym shoes just the way he remembered.

  Still, Cameron’s sun-kissed skin appeared exquisite under the poor lighting. When she flipped her hair over her shoulder, cloaking his hand in a veil of honey-blond curls, he glanced at the TV, pretending to care about whatever game was playing.

  “So did you go to Stanford?” he asked.

  It was painful to bring up the future they’d planned, even though he was the one who threw it all away. But he wanted to know everything she’d done since he left. When he swung his gaze back to gauge her expression, he was excited to see her cheeks had once again turned a cute shade of pink. He always adored her modesty. She blushed all the time when they were first dating.

  She ducked her head, shaking it. “I ended up going to Papaya Springs.”

  He swallowed hard, disappointed to discover she’d been just down the road from where he’d trained. Crossing his arms over his chest, he tried to decide if she looked happy. “Looks like you must’ve found a decent job.”

  Her eyebrows shot upward. “Why would you think that?”

  He shifted on the stool, realizing he no longer knew anything about her, and may have stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. “I don’t know. Just thought maybe with the car you’re driving…and you look amazing. I almost walked right past you earlier.” Catching his blunder, he shook his head. “I mean…you’ve always looked great. Beyond beautiful. I just mean—” He stopped to wipe at his face, wondering if jet-lag from three days ago might finally be settling in. How else would he suddenly be so tongue-tied with a woman? “That came out all wrong.”

  She laughed in a short, nasally sound that took him back to the late nights they’d spend getting stupid on energy drinks and candy doused in sugar. The sudden rush of memories cracked his chest in half. He’d given her the best parts of himself. It was hard as hell to accept she may’ve moved on, and wasn’t interested in those parts anymore.

  With a sweet smile, she placed her hand on his knee. “Thank you for the compliment.” Color rushed back to her cheeks when she suddenly withdrew her hand. Her lips fluttered against a sad smile that wrenched his gut. “You look pretty amazing yourself. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t wear your uniform, or you’d be busy fighting off admirers.”

  There was no missing the hint of jealousy laced in her comment, even though she was trying to pretend it wasn’t there. Lincoln glanced over both shoulders, then leaned in to whisper, “I think I would’ve been safe here.”

  “You’re probably right,” she agreed with a giggle, glancing at the ancient woman a few stools down. Setting her hands in her lap, she watched the bartender like they’d already run out of conversation. Lincoln hated that she felt uncomfortable.

  The bartender delivered their drinks. “Eleven fifty.”

  Before Cameron could reach for her purse, Lincoln slapped a twenty down, and lifted his beer to his lips for a long, satisfying pull. When she thanked him, he considered clinking his glass with hers until he stopped to think what he could possibly toast to that would make her smile.

  After the toffee-like brew warmed a trail down his throat into his stomach, he asked, “You keep in touch with anyone from Crestridge?”

  Mid-sentence, he recognized it was an incredibly moronic thing to ask. Most of the kids at their high school treated her horribly until she became his girlfriend. Even then, there were still privileged pricks who would never accept the poor girl from the wrong side of town. His own brother was so cruel to her that Lincoln had once busted the idiot’s nose. He still wanted to throw his first through a wall with the memory of that night.

  Cameron surprised him by flashing a timid smile behind her cocktail glass. “Ellee Hart still calls every now and then. She invited me to her wedding in Tahoe last summer. She married some Wall Street mogul’s kid, so it was quite the affair. They served two hundred dollar champagne, and every guest was given a gold Cartier key ring at the end of the night. I’m pretty sure the chocolates on the table cost more than my dress.”

  “Wow,” he said with sincerity, rubbing his face.

  The idea of one of their classmates getting married was a hard pill to swallow. Some days he felt a decade older than the boy who went to Great Lakes for boot camp, having seen and heard things that would’ve frightened his younger self senseless.

  But as he looked into Cameron’s eyes, he could hardly believe it had been so long. The intense burn inside his chest felt way too much like the same one he’d have back when they were together.

  “What about you?” A delicate eyebrow lifted. “Or did you completely go off the grid when you left San Jose?”

  “Ran into Dixon and Hatfield down in San Diego three Christmases ago. It took all of ten minutes of listening to those two clowns go on about the girls at Harvard before it hit me full force what pompous jerks I’d hung with back in the day. I can’t stand the thought of who I’d be now if I hadn’t become a SEAL.”

  A pained expression crossed her face. “You would’ve been successful, Linc. You don’t have it in you to be like them. Do you really think I would’ve agreed to date you if you were?”

  Fingers twitching against the beer stein, he was eager to smooth the wrinkles between her eyes. He could never stand to see her upset, especially because of something he had done. The echo of her cries the last time they saw each other sometimes still jarred him awake from a deep sleep.

  “I know you wouldn’t,” he said with conviction. “You were the sincerest person to ever walk Crestridge’s hallways.”

  Another blush swept across her narrow cheekbones. She appeared relieved by the interruption of a loud ding from inside her purse. Once she swiped her index finger over her phone’s screen, however, she paled to a sickly shade of white.

  Lincoln’s spine straightened. “Everything okay?”

  “I have to take this.”
Her voice tightened with unease. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Before she slid down from the stool, she slugged back what was left of her drink. Although it was comical the way she wolfed it down, any laughter he may have let out stuck in his throat. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

  After boot camp, he’d deleted his Facebook account, hoping to avoid the pain of his mistakes. But curiosity got the better of him a few months back, and a buddy let him use his account to check up on her. Cameron’s personal details had been locked down tight, not giving away a single thing beyond her name and a profile picture. The moment Lincoln saw that photo of her on a hill overlooking the bay, he wanted to cry. In a loose sweater that fell over one shoulder, long hair blowing behind her in the wind, eyes closed, dense eyelashes brushing against the apples of her cheeks, he hadn’t known it was possible for a woman to be so beautiful. And it wasn’t only because he was missing the hell out of her.

  That damn picture tortured him for a solid week. The way warmth radiated from the image, the way her pale lips quirked with a radiant smile, it could’ve only been taken by someone who loved her the way he always had. He had come to grips with the fact that every relationship since her had failed because he would never love anyone else the way he loved Cameron. He was always comparing the women he slept with to her, always finding himself wishing they had more of her traits.

  He was convinced that he’d go crazy if he didn’t learn the truth, and had to see her again. He wouldn't find peace until he discovered what had become of her life. So once she’d sent him a text out of the blue, proving fate was on his side, he made the decision to meet with her.

  He finished his beer and ordered another round, making light conversation with the bartender while answering texts from the guys who all wanted to know if his girl was still hot. It had been a good fifteen minutes since she took the call, and he was starting to worry. When he remembered the last time he made the mistake of not checking on her, his hands twitched uncontrollably. But it seemed too personal of a move to make with someone who had only been back in his life for an hour.

  She finally returned with another one of those fake little smiles pressed to her lips. He hated that. He hated that time had changed everything, obliterating what they had. Because there was a time she was his everything. Seven years later, he had nothing.

  “You good?” he asked.

  Her eyes skipped around the bar. “It was just Rebecca being Rebecca…going through another small crisis.”

  Something told him she wasn’t being totally honest. Was her mom finally clean? “How is she these days?”

  “She’s living a healthy lifestyle.” Noting her glass had been refilled, she threw him a look of exasperation. “I really can’t, Linc. I have to drive back to the city.”

  The muscles in his stomach tightened. He couldn’t let her leave so soon. One drink wasn’t enough to properly explore old feelings. Lifting his chin, he tossed her the kind of charming grin Duke and Rogers were always ribbing him about, because it never failed to make the ladies swoon. “Come on, Quinn. I was hoping you’d let me take you out for dinner.”

  Her fingers gripped onto the back of the high-backed stool until they turned white. Lincoln couldn’t decide if she was affected by his charm, or if she was upset for other reasons. “I’m not exactly dressed for a night out.”

  “When was I ever the kind of guy who wanted to go somewhere fancy? I’m good with a simple steak or burger.” Since she still looked unsure, he added, “We could grab something closer to your place if you really wanted to stop and change. But like I said, you look great just the way you are.”

  Pink cheeks. “I’m not going to ask you to ride all the way up there and catch a ride back down again. Friday night traffic hasn’t improved since you left.”

  “Do they still have hotels in San Francisco?”

  Her lips parted with a little gasp. “You don’t know where you’re staying tonight?”

  “I’m flexible.”

  Her eyes skated to the bartender, then her drink, then something behind Lincoln. He couldn’t pretend he had any idea of what was going through her head, but it was amusing to watch her expression change as she worked through it.

  “We can grab something down here,” she finally decided, drawing her sparkling blue eyes back on Lincoln. “I don’t have anything going on tomorrow. It’s no problem if I get home late.”

  The idea of her on the road late at night didn’t sit well with him, but it was a conversation to revisit later. He stood, sliding her stool out. “Then sit down, and have one more drink with me. We’ll take a cab to dinner. Once you fill up on carbs, you’ll be good to go.”

  He hated everything about the way she retreated into a shell of unfamiliarity when she passed him a shy smile. He hated that he was finally face-to-face with the only girl to win his heart, and she was treating him like a stranger. He hated that she smelled like sunshine and everything he missed about California, but he couldn’t gather her in his arms to properly absorb it. He despised himself for not being man enough to admit the real reason he wanted to see her.

  3

  The third Manhattan sloshed around in Cameron’s empty stomach with every pothole the cab driver hit. She hadn’t grabbed lunch before heading down to meet Lincoln, so the idea of food was appealing even if it meant she had to endure his company for a few more hours. Plus she was slowly becoming inebriated. If she didn’t give the booze an alternative to soak into, her brain would become mush. And that translated into trouble when Lincoln was involved.

  Things weren’t necessarily going badly at High Top's. She was starting to relax, and had built up the courage to ask what he’d done in the time they were apart. But then Kellen called. Seeing her fiancé's name flash across the screen was so shocking that, for a second, she was sure she’d vomit on her shoes. And he relentlessly harassed her about scheduling dinner with his parents, flipping her mood upside down.

  When Lincoln asked about dinner, she didn’t have the strength to turn him down anyway. Then he mentioned he didn’t have hotel reservations for the night, and she even considered inviting him to stay at her place. But Kellen’s existence was everywhere in the apartment. Lincoln would know her secret the moment he stepped inside.

  Since he didn’t have plans to stay with anyone, it would seem he was solely back to see her. The implication was paralyzing. If his timing had been better…if he had sought her out before the arrangement with Kellen…she’d be doing more than lusting over his beautiful body from afar. And her life was far too complicated to go there.

  He was quiet on the ride to the restaurant, staring out the window as if noting more changes to the neighborhood, or hoping to find something familiar in the neighborhood he once called home. She studied the hard lines of his silhouette against the waning light, regretting their past a thousand fold. She closed her eyes, fighting back tears, and was transported back to the first time they met.

  At first no one gave her a second look, or even acknowledged her presence at Crestridge. Maybe it was because the other students had grown up in the same neighborhood. Maybe they had hung out in the same mall. Maybe they had all gone to the same elementary school. Or maybe it was glaringly obvious that she didn’t belong among a sea of trust fund babies who would never know what it was like to do homework by a flashlight because your mom couldn’t pay the utilities bill, or go to bed starving because she was too stoned to buy groceries.

  Cameron was okay with being a loner. She had worked hard to earn the scholarship for the prestigious private school. It was better if no one made an effort to get to know her, because she didn’t need any more reasons to stick out. It was easy to blend in with the freshman class, dressed in Crestridge’s required uniform of a khaki pleated skirt, a white button down shirt, and a burgundy blazer sporting the school’s emblem.

  When the beautiful boy plopped down at the computer at her side during her first coding class, she held her breath, hoping
he wouldn’t notice her either. He, on the other hand, was hard to miss. She had already learned the Farrington brothers were both crazy popular. They generated a lot of attention every noon hour in the lunchroom, and traveled between classes in large packs of both sexes. Passing them in the courtyard as they led their little gang around campus was so intimidating that Cameron would look down.

  Back then, Lincoln still had a baby face, and his jaw had yet to fill out. He wasn’t necessarily remarkable in appearance. Like most fourteen-year-old boys at Crestridge, he was tall and skinny with neatly trimmed hair. It was like they were already bred to be future CEOs like their fathers. Cameron’s stomach surged when he spoke.

  “What do you think of this place so far?” he asked.

  Since he wasn’t directly looking at her, and more in her general direction, she glanced over her shoulder to see if he was talking to someone else. All their classmates were either standing, or otherwise engaged in other conversations.

  When she turned back to Lincoln, his honey brown eyes were fixed on her, lit with interest. Her face quickly became as hot as lava. When Lincoln Farrington looked at someone from beneath those severe, dark eyebrows, it literally took their breath away.

  “It’s…alright…I guess,” she stammered, wishing he’d turn away.

  But his gaze only narrowed. “Better than your last school?”

  “Yeah. We just moved down here from The Bay area.”

  She glanced down as her fingers fidgeted with her notebook. It was far easier to tell a lie than to admit that after her dad died, she was forced to go to school in a part of the city where it wasn’t unusual to get robbed during classes, run into girls getting high in the bathroom, or watch a group of students beat a teacher for looking at them the wrong way.

  “The Bay, huh?” A shy smile tilted his pouty lips. “Have you decided what clubs you’re going to join?”