What They Never Said Read online

  The costs for clubs had been listed at astronomical amounts in the school’s brochure. If she had that kind of money, she wouldn’t have to stress over where she’d get her next meal. At the time, she decided he was annoying even though he was cute. She wished he’d shut up and mind his own business.

  “You sure ask a lot of questions,” she muttered.

  “You’re Quinn, right?”

  It wasn’t weird that he knew her last name since they’d sat through roll-call in the same homeroom, but at first she was a little surprised that he hadn’t remembered her first name. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t set him straight, but it became a nickname that stuck.

  “See what I mean?” she huffed, turning to meet those beautiful eyes. “Another question.”

  The bell rang just then, putting a blissful end to his inquisition. One of his friends kept him occupied for the rest of the class, and she didn't even see him leave at the end.

  For whatever reason, Lincoln persisted after that day, sitting in the same seat beside her without fail, firing off endless questions. She never gave anything away, and she tried her best to ignore him. After a good week, he caught on to her game and seemed to be on a mission to make her laugh. She eventually gave in, and decided she liked him. A few weeks later, she started tutoring him so he’d pass the class.

  Long before they fell in love, they became close friends. She always believed they were the kind of friends that would always stay in touch, even if life took them in different directions.

  “Hey.” Lincoln touched her shoulder, and her eyes popped open. He grinned in a charming way that reminded her of that cute freshman boy. “We’re there.”

  Again he was the perfect gentleman, opening the restaurant door, and motioning for her to lead the way. From the moment they stepped inside the locally owned steakhouse, she wondered if Bartender Steve had ulterior motives on Lincoln’s behalf when he recommended the place. Though relatively casual, it was so dark and intimate that her heart raced when the hostess left them alone at a booth tucked away in a corner.

  Lincoln’s handsome face was even more alluring by candlelight. She sensed her resistance beginning to crumble along with the fragile ruins of her heart. When she agreed to the reunion, she suspected her attraction to him wouldn’t have waned. She didn’t know it would be so overpowering that she’d suddenly question what she was doing with her life—how she ended up with the wrong man.

  “You look like you could use some water,” Lincoln said with a small chuckle. “Maybe I should’ve stopped you from ordering that third drink.”

  “I’mma be fine.” She cringed. Maybe she was drunk after all.

  A petite waitress around the age of sixteen stopped by to see if they wanted anything to drink. She was short and blonde with blue eyes and a bright smile, reminding Cameron of herself at her age. She glanced over at Lincoln, wondering if he noticed too.

  “Water good, or do you want some coffee?” he asked.

  “Coffee,” she muttered.

  He ordered a beer before the waitress headed to the next table.

  “How can I make this less awkward for you?” His voice was as gentle and considerate as their most intimate moments in the past. “I hate seeing you like this. You’re treating me like I’m a goddamned stranger.”

  She glanced up at him through her thick lashes, close to tears because of the truth behind his words. “You basically are, Linc. A lot has changed.”

  He leaned over the table, exposing the golden flecks floating through his beautiful eyes. “Then ask me something. Tell me whatever it is you want to know. I can’t stand watching you act this way around me.”

  “Okay.” A small lump of fear rose in her throat. She also hated it, but she was afraid he’d reveal too much, and she’d break all over again. She was terrified of feeling the full weight of regret because of everything she’d done since he’d left. “What’s it like…being a Navy SEAL?”

  “There’s nothing like it.” His lips turned up with a deep grin that did weird things inside her belly. “The brotherhood, defending my country’s honor, the adrenaline when on a mission, knowing I’m protecting millions of people—even the ones too stupid to think they don’t need the military.” Eyes searching her face, his grin faded. “It wasn’t always that way though. Hell Week was brutal…so damn intense. It pushed me to limits I didn’t know I had. For awhile, I was convinced I wouldn’t make it through to the end.”

  “But you did,” she said with a swell of pride. “I knew you would.”

  “It was the biggest challenge of my life. Almost bigger than walking away from you.” His eyes skipped between hers like he was searching for something. “I missed the hell outta you, Quinn. Can’t tell you how many times I wanted to jump on a bus to see you.”

  “Why didn’t you?” she asked in a throaty whisper.

  “Because I wasn’t good for you.”

  Was that why he had left? What could she have done to make him feel that way? “That’s not anywhere close to the truth!” An unexpected tear spilled down her cheek. Annoyed, she swiped it away. “God, Linc! How could you think that after what you did for me? Is that why you told me you loved me one day, then walked away the next?”

  His shoulders lowered along with his gaze. “It’s complicated.”

  Gathering her hair over one shoulder she sighed. She was suddenly sadder than she could remember feeling since her dad’s death. And that was saying a lot. “Nothing about us was ever simple, was it?”

  A chuckle died in his throat. “I guess it wasn’t.”

  Their eyes locked. The intensity of his made it impossible to catch her breath. She’d done all she could to protect her heart after he left, never getting involved with men she could potentially care about. Lincoln was her first love, and she always held on to hope that he’d be her last. Yet she’d betrayed him in countless ways.

  How could she tell him about Kellen without destroying him? He deserved to know, even if he didn’t understand the reason behind her decision.

  “Linc…I still care about you, but—” A sob rose with the force of a geyser. She somehow managed to contain it inside her hands before the whole restaurant heard her anguished cries. She had no right to be sad when she’d brought the misery on herself. But seeing him again had brought back a wealth of emotions that she’d tried like hell to forget.

  He slipped into the booth beside her, folding her in his thick arms and drawing her against his warm chest. The comfort of his embrace touched her beyond measure, causing her tears to flow even harder. So many memories…so many years wasted…

  “The last thing I wanted to do is make you cry,” he whispered. “Let’s not waste what little time we have together saying we’re sorry for how it ended, because that could take all night, and it’ll just bring up all sorts of shit that should stay in the past. I don’t think either of us would be sitting here right now if we didn’t still care about each other on some level.”

  Even inside his arms, without feeling the weight of his beautiful eyes on her, a hot flush swept over her cheeks. It spread down her neck, and into her heart. He was right. She’d never stop caring about him. She doubted she’d ever stop loving him either. Even when he didn’t want her, she was always his.

  She let out an unsteady sigh, attempting to pull herself together. His fingers lingered on the back of her head with a touch too light to be considered a caress, too tender to be considered unsympathetic. Her insides weakened with his virile scent…the light thud of his heartbeat against her ear…the way the muscles on his chest shifted beneath her when he drew back, wiping her tears with a light brush of his finger.

  Before her brain caught up, her lips parted. His eyes fell down to her mouth, and his chest rose with a hard breath. She willed him to kiss her, to save her from her private hell.

  But he cleared his throat and drew back a little more, a playful smirk pulling at his lips. “I could use a little mindless down time. I’ve been out of the country for too da
mn long. What would it take to pretend for a day that we’re nothing more than old friends who haven’t had a chance to catch up? I don’t have to report back to Coronado until mid-week. Tomorrow we could hang out on the pier, doing whatever you’re in the mood for. We can even forbid any talk of anything personal if it would make things less awkward.”

  Her life had become cold and empty. Spending an entire day with him would be dangerously reckless, leading to the potential of enjoyment. Her choice to be with Kellen was always about retribution. Still, if she was being totally honest with herself, having Kellen around sometimes numbed the pain of losing Lincoln.

  Even if she had moved on with someone she felt genuine feelings for instead of being with Kellen, and she attempted to find true happiness, she could never feel the same kind of deep adoration for another man the way she’d felt for Lincoln. Not only did he possess her heart, but he saved her more times than she could count. He was her personal hero long before he became a hero for their country.

  The familiarity of his arms around her made it harder to make a clear decision. He was no longer hers to embrace. She was no longer his to console. But they both still felt the pain of their loss. Maybe spending a little time together would help them move on.

  “I could use a day of mindless fun too,” she decided. She wiped the rest of her tears away before looking up at him. “I need to know something before I agree to this.”

  “Anything,” he responded too quickly.

  “Are you…” she sucked in a sharp breath, quickly deciding she wasn’t ready to hear if someone else had claimed his heart, so she quickly changed her question to, “…happy?”

  A wide smile stretched over his cheeks. “I am now.”

  4

  The moment Cameron started crying, Lincoln threw his reasons for tracking her down out the window, and made a firm decision. He’d spend an ignorantly blissful day with her, and say a pleasant goodbye when it was over as opposed to revisiting harsh truths that would haunt them both forever. With the sight of her tears, the raw pain of letting her go slowly began to resurface like the picking of a scab. He’d do anything to replace their treacherous past with happier memories.

  Over dinner, he told her heavily edited stories from his most recent mission, and she shared some of her experiences of the past. She mentioned that while she had been attending college in Papaya Springs, she’d convinced her mom to enter rehab nearby. He was gutted with the reminder that she had lived a short drive from Coronado, but he didn’t let his disappointment show. Nothing could be done to alter the paths that brought them to that point anyway.

  When the bill arrived, he agreed to split it at her insistence, even though it irritated him that she was already taking the friendship idea to heart. As they left, he suggested they grab one more drink from the bar next door before hitting the road. The place was three times busier than High Top's had been, and a lot cleaner, too. Cameron and Lincoln engaged in a lively conversation with two couples around their age, and time passed like sand through their fingers.

  Before long, they were on their fourth round of drinks, and Cameron was slurring her words. He couldn’t say he regretted a second of it, because he couldn’t seem to let her leave, especially once she was giggly and outgoing the way he’d always remembered. She hugged each of their new friends goodbye when they announced they had to leave, and promised to accept their friend requests on Facebook. Lincoln made a mental note to re-open his account when he returned to base in order to stay in touch with her.

  While watching the couples make their way toward the exit, she wrapped her fingers around his arm, giving it a light squeeze. “Holy crap, it’s almost midnight!”

  He was pleased that she’d finally become comfortable with him, even though it still wasn’t enough. He wanted all of her. “We should check into a hotel for the night.”

  Fluttering her eyelids like she was trying to get her vision to cooperate, she scrunched her nose. “Seriously?”

  His fingers twitched against his beer mug with the idea of her behind the wheel after having so many drinks. “No way you're driving home.”

  “Probably not the best idea to share a bed if we’re planning to spend tomorrow together as friends.”

  A tight band stretched over his chest. It wasn’t what he was suggesting, but he’d be damned if the idea of sharing a bed with her wasn’t appealing. “I’ll pay for you to stay in a separate room,” he clarified. “It’s my fault for buying you those last drinks when I knew you wanted to head back home tonight.”

  “Oh,” she answered in a quiet voice like she was disappointed, or maybe even embarrassed. “I guess it beats sleeping in my car.”

  “Hey, Chuck!” he called out to the bartender, beckoning him with a wave of his fingers. “Can you recommend a decent hotel within walking distance?” Getting a local’s recommendation was a no-fail habit that Lincoln refused to break.

  Chuck’s gray eyes flickered between Lincoln and Cameron, and he grinned. “There’s a little motel two blocks to the north—Knights’ Inn. I’ve never been, but my cousin works there. Since she’s particular about that kind of thing, it must be pretty decent.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  Lincoln threw an extra five on the bar before taking Cameron’s hand and leading her away from the bar. Once they were outside, she didn’t pull away, so he didn’t let go. He never should’ve let go in the first place. It felt pretty damn fantastic.

  As they walked the two blocks, quietly enjoying the warm summer night, the memory of their first visit to the beach in Santa Cruz came hurtling at him like a sucker punch. It was the beginning of summer after their freshman year. Though they were only friends, he hadn’t dated anyone in that time since they’d met, and he was beyond ready for more from Cameron. He was just too much of a coward to go after it.

  “Linc, will you put lotion on my back?” She sat on a beach towel, holding a bottle over her shoulder. Her eyes sparkled more than usual in the bright California sun, mimicking the deep blue hue of the ocean behind her.

  He was doing his best not to ogle her in the colorful bikini. It was modest compared to what other girls from Crestridge wore to the beach, but it was the most amount of Cameron’s skin he’d seen since they started hanging out. The bottoms were faded and a little small on her cute butt, so he guessed the swimsuit was either old, or bought second-hand.

  She didn’t think he knew that she would sometimes take on odd jobs after school to keep food on their table. She didn’t think he knew that after her dad’s funeral, her mom started abusing prescription drugs. She didn’t think he knew how much she missed her dad, because she never talked about him when they were together.

  But he knew. Because of it, he took her places that didn’t cost anything when he could, paid her way when it was unavoidable. He hated seeing her live that way, and wanted to do everything he could to make up for the things her dad couldn’t give them.

  As he grabbed the bottle of lotion and began spreading it over her soft, supple skin, he thought it’d be the last thing he’d do before he died. He couldn’t stop himself from taking advantage of the situation, tracing his fingertips over the light smattering of freckles across her shoulders before massaging the feminine curve of her lower back. In the year since they’d met, her fifteen-year-old body had made noticeable changes. He wanted to experience them all up close and personal. But he didn’t think he had the right.

  Cameron dropped her head like the muscles in her neck had snapped, and let out a sweet little moan. “Mmmm, that feels good. I would totally pay you to do this all afternoon.”

  “I’d do it for free,” he said. “I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my day.”

  He held his breath, waiting for her response. She could’ve told him that he was a perv, or playfully slapped his hand away. She could’ve ignored the comment, and made him feel like a tool. But when she turned to him, eyebrows raised and a sweet little smile playing on her lips, it was the first time he acknowl
edged to himself that he was falling hard.

  “Consider yourself hired.”

  It would still be months before he summoned the courage to finally kiss her, but at that moment, he was convinced things would never be the same. Falling for her was never part of the plan. But she kept the nightmares at bay.

  “Are we sure about this?” Cameron asked, dragging him back to the present. “It looks…sketchy.”

  Her reluctance surprised him. The motel’s sign was mostly burnt out, and the rambler building was past due for a paint job, but otherwise there wasn’t anything notably menacing about the place. The windows and glass doors all gleamed like they’d been replaced recently, the parking lot was well lit, and several mid-class cars filled spaces in front of the building. It was a major improvement compared to the crappy little apartment in the roughest neighborhood around that she’d shared with her mom in high school.

  “You have the protection of a SEAL,” he teased, winking.

  At the front desk he was about to request two rooms, but Cameron nudged him in the side, and threw a sweet smile to the old receptionist with rollers in her snow-white hair. “Do you have anything with two beds?”

  “Of course, my dear.” The woman held a wrinkled hand beside her mouth like it would prevent him from hearing what she had to say. “I understand, although the mister and I didn’t sleep in separate beds until we were in our forties. His snoring got to be too damn much. It was either that or hold a pillow over his face until he was quiet.”

  Cameron released a little giggle as the woman handed her an old-school key. There was a comfortable silence between them as they headed in the direction of their room, but he was freaking out the entire time, wondering how he would sleep with her a mere arm’s length away.

  She gasped as they stepped inside the dimly lit room with floral wallpaper peeling off the walls. The stink of cigarette smoke burned their nostrils, the brown carpet pile was worn thin, and the faded bedding with gold and blue patterns could've been around since 1950.